do not outsource your heart and soul

Sometimes I wonder what kind of sex people are having… especially when they say stuff like “they did this or that just for the sex” or “the relationship is just about sex” — as if it was a lesser reason. What I mean is that if you can find a person with whom you click this way, with whom sex feels like you would go to hell and back for, then everything really is about sex. But also, sex IS everything.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

it still feels like a fever dream. i wonder if i’ll ever look back at these memories with pure happiness, without the bitter reminder that this reality is now gone forever. things rarely go according to our plans. maybe planning less would be better, but without plans, i tend to make dramatic changes that lead me to difficult situations that i can’t easily undo. i’m scared of being alone, but i’m even more scared of spending my life wearing a mask just to avoid loneliness. looking back, i realise i always invested more energy in romantic relationships than friendships because romantic partners promised to stay forever - though none of them actually did. i think my fear of what the future might bring is stopping me from truly living in the present moment.

innumerable little cowardices and laziness

slipped on my wet kitchen floor and literally missed cracking my head on the counter by like 2 cm. realized if I’d hit it just slightly differently, I could’ve been a goner. lol. with my lifestyle of going no contact for weeks, no one would probably notice. haha.

try softer

In the silence between heartbeats
I hear the universe breathe

Am I the dreamer or the dream?

Your character is measured by the gap between how you speak of others in their absence versus in their presence — the larger the gap, the lesser the character.

pain is inevitable, suffering is optional

I think everyone constructs a personal narrative that lacks aspects that might destroy their self-image. Some are more aware of this tendency than others, but everyone engages in it to some degree. Even if you’re conscious of this habit — what can you do about it? Merely stating that you’re aware doesn’t necessarily change anything.

We live in a capitalist system, and even when we desire to escape it, we can’t easily do so without abandoning our current way of life. What meaningful difference does it make to attempt living “sustainably” or “locally” if we still rely on globally produced technology? I could stop consuming coffee, tobacco, or even salt, but if I still have an iPhone in my pocket and a MacBook on my table, aren’t I participating in systems that cause significant harm? These devices cannot currently be produced locally, and aren’t they sources of major ethical concerns?

Is a future without constant connectivity possible or desirable? Do I really need instant access to global information when my primary concerns could be more localized — such as current season crops, ensuring sufficient food for winter, maintaining community relationships, or managing local resources?

If we accept that we can’t be 100% ethical consumers in our current system, does it matter how much each of us does to reduce harm without completely eliminating it? One could retreat into solitude to find personal enlightenment, but alternatively, one could work to help others become more aware and make incremental positive changes.