16 apr, 2023

Since I've been back, maintaining my rituals has been really challenging. I've been thinking about to what extent a person needs to isolate and shut out random situations in order to have their rituals entirely under control, and whether it's even right. Lately, I've had a strange feeling about this type of self-optimization. It seems to me that it supports an individualistic approach to life. Yes, a person should think about themselves and do what suits them - but if one wants to live with other people, a certain level of compromise is inevitable.

I'm thinking about how I used to handle social interactions. Maybe I felt alienated from myself, maybe I felt like I was following some crafted script that I had learned by carefully observing others. But maybe overcoming this situation opened the door to more pleasant experiences, and helped me meet people I would not have otherwise met.

Now I don't do much socialization and as for the alienation – I'm still in the same boat, I just closed the doors everywhere. And because my social interaction was just a well-trained skill, I currently feel like I'm not in good shape in this area of life.

But I don't really know what I want in life, so it's hard to make some conclusions about whether it is good or wrong.

Take care 🌱