22 mar, 2023

I've shifted into this weird mode. I don't have much work from the internship, so I'm working more on my personal projects, and when I get into something, I easily lose track of time. it seems to me that except for breaks for eating and evening workouts and sleep, I'm sitting in front of the screen all the time and time passes so incredibly fast. and I don't have friends here or any other distractions.

But I'm wondering how I would fit it in when even now I seem to get to bed at 9 and I have 6 hours for official work... how can someone work 8 hours, drive somewhere, and still have time for personal projects, family, friends, myself... it seems almost unreal to me.

But what can I leave out?

work? ideal..but how to keep up with friends, how to support myself and my family, and get rid of the feeling of being behind in life. But everyone else is managing, so I guess there's got to be a way. Maybe they don't have personal projects... maybe that's it!

then it's possible to monetize a personal project. but then again, I can't get out of the "how to monetize every interest and hobby I have" mindset.

why it's so fuckin complicated. I'll start a Patreon. Maybe if I keep weeping for a while, I'll get a few dollars in there. Actually, it might not even be that much... $1000... huh, so I need to convince 500 people to send me $2 a month and I'm good.

Would I enjoy cooking and taking care of my family? Is that something I can actually say is true? Or am I just being a people pleaser again?

I don't even know what I'm feeling and experiencing. Am I actually feeling and experiencing IT, or just absorbing it from all these articles I read?

I always thought I'd end up like that weird guy in the corner of the pub, but I expected it to be a little later.

What if there are people who just can't handle it? Can't stand it? They can't make it...

take care (if you still can) 🍃